Day 14: 30 Days of Grief

I was planning to stop what I have started, this 365 Days of Whateverness because of what happened but I thought, life moves on. Everyone moves on. I was distraught and I could not think clearly so right now I can only express myself thru this.

30 Days of Grief

I was told he was shot

It also hit me in the gut

My heart was broken into pieces

Running through my mind, unfathomable reasons

 

Why would they, why would they

As we pray Hail Mary

I was hoping for a miracle

While we’re on our way to the circle

 

I cannot see what could it be

This man lying face down it cannot be

My father, helpless and isolated

How could they be so cold- hearted?

 

The whole family was disheartened

Everyone’s questioning what happened

It was Bob, it was Bob

Everything about him is a fraud

 

A life was robbed away from us

It’s not jewellery or money that can be taken back

You cannot earn it or replace it

For it’s more precious than a 21 karat

 

I don’t know what to feel

Is this for real?

It seems like it’s a bad dream

Can you wake me up, I wanna scream

 

Eight days on his wake

I’m still thinking it was a mistake

He was buried, I was crying

I think I’m also dying

 

What a tragedy this could be

Are we really facing reality?

As days goes by I wanna try

To move on and say good bye

 

Papa, I still cannot

Accept the fact that you’re a rot

Thirty days have passed

I don’t think it would ever last

 

Depression. Misery. Sadness. Grief.

This feelings could never be lift.

These words are never sufficient

To express these feelings which are lucent

 

They say I should be strong

But I think it would take too long

I guess thirty days are not enough

To grieve about your love

 

That tragic moment

I just stopped. I stopped because I cannot continue… I cannot push through since my mind keeps picturing the very tragic moment; my father lying on the floor, face down, without any life in him, a spot light was focused on him, people were surrounding the yellow plastic cordon which says ‘crime scene’.

The moment when my feet were moving as fast as my heart.

The moment when I cannot understand what I was shouting about in front of those people and the only thing I see is the spot light and the blood on the floor running from my father’s head.

The moment when no one was helping out even if my mother was shouting for help.

The moment when we were on our way to the hospital and I was holding his head full of blood.

The moment when I know in my mind that he’s already dead but still asking for a miracle.

The moment when we were all praying to save his life.

The moment the doctor told us that he has neither pulse nor blood pressure.

The moment when I’m holding my breath and asking for a miracle.

The moment when the doctor told us that there is nothing they can do.

The moment when my mom cannot accept the fact that he’s gone but still telling us to bring him to another hospital.

The moment when I’m so frustrated to save his life.

The moment when I have so many questions which I want to be answered right there and then.

The moment when I was crying but there were no tears falling.

The moment when I couldn’t figure how we’ll be living without him.

The moment when I’m hoping it was only a bad dream and not reality.

The moment when my eyes were swollen, full of tears and I couldn’t see a thing.

The moment when I realized it was the most painful, most tragic, most heartbreaking moment of my life. How terrifying and how horrible it was to visualize those scenes over and over again every single day from the moment it happened until this very day. The unbelievable fact that my father was killed on the spot with one hole in his head was unimaginable. It took only one bullet to take his life… One fucking bullet.

There were so many unanswered questions which I am so frustrated to grasp and until now we are hoping to find clarity on what was going on.

Was it only money? Business? Or just plain greed? We still don’t know. Mr. Bob, please tell us why. Why do you want my father killed?

Day 13: Goodbye, Jeddah! Hello, Dubai!

 

After a week of absence in the blog world, I feel disappointed with myself. I figured that it really wasn’t easy to fulfill this project. I have failed for a week and I know my site is already disheartened with my inability to comply.

Anyway, I’ve got my reasons: 1) Our flight is too early, like 5 am, and we were already in the airport at around 1 am. 2) When we arrived in Dubai, we were zombies but despite our tiredness and sleeplessness, we wouldn’t want to spoil our vacation so we spent our whole day roaming around. 3) Our four days in Dubai was totally tiring so right after we clean we just sleep. 4) Until now I have no enough sleep.

Dubai. What can I say? Our first day wasn’t really that bad. In fact it was a blast! We were introduced in a new level of Arab land. I mean, coming from a totally different environment and totally conservative traditions, I can say that Dubai is way way different from Saudi Arabia. Despite of its Arabian culture, the tinge of Western and European cadence of this country made me in awe. It was one of the best countries I’ve been to, from the openness of the country to the mixed cultures and traditions; you will see different kinds of nationalities and different kinds of people.

We have contacted a friend when we arrived and she and her husband were able to accommodate us. Despite our zombie states, we were able to enjoy their company and the places they introduced to us. We had lunch in one of the restaurants in Madinat Jumeirah and passing by the Madinat Jumeirah Hotel and Souk Madinat Jumeriah I was amazed! There are Christmas trees, Christmas decors and Christmas lights every where and I can already feel the spirit of Christmas contrary to the fact that it was a conservative Islamic country before. I guess because of the different cultures and traditions mixed in one place they were able to respect each other and were able to unite in the spirit of giving and holiness.

Souk Madinat Jumeirah. I will totally recommend this place to the tourists who are planning to visit Dubai especially this time of year since there are a lot to see and a lot to experience. You can ride a boat, take pictures, eat beside a creek, buy souvenirs and you will be able to appreciate the decorations and other festivities in this place. I don’t know how much it cost to check in the hotel but I heard that it’s kinda costly but I bet it’s worth it. I should mention that the buildings were unique and kind of ancient but beautiful. How they made it? I don’t really know but it’s very artistic.

Atlantis. One of the most popular places to visit in Dubai. If you have seen the palm from up above, the upper most part of the palm is the Atlantis. The place was huge and the way it was built was like, well, Atlantis, that’s why it’s called Atlantis. Our friend told us that we can check the place inside since there are a lot to see but since we were out of time, we just took pictures outside the hotel. It was fascinating.

Our friends dropped us in the metro (which is very accessible and convenient to use in Dubai) and off we went to Dubai Marina. Dubai Marina at night is full of towers and full of lights. But I prefer it during the day since you can see the buildings, the towers and the sea water, take a cruise ship and just sit back, relax and the captain will be in charge.

Our first day was an exciting  experience and even if we were very tired, we were able to enjoy it.

Day 12: Soul Searching

Soul Searching
 
Soul searching the path
Searching to where it asks
Working its way to Mary
And swerving to find Italy
 
How can it be? How can it be?
Why not choose me?
Waiting but not working
My way to the locality
 
Where can it be? Where can it be?
The place where my heart should be
He said never go back to east
Just go forward to west
 
Where am I? Where am I?
I’m not planning to die.
I just stand staring at faces
Watching passersby walking in fast paces
 
Why not go round and round?
Until I can’t be found
Am I just running?
Or is it escaping?

Day 11: Book Review: Warm Bodies

warm b

Title: Warm Bodies

Author: Isaac Marion

Rating: 5/5

R may have enjoyed eating flesh and brains, at some point of his zombie life, but comparing him to his other dead colleagues, he is different. He imagines and dreams. One event has changed his perception to his food and the main reason was Julie, a girl he met and chooses to save for some unknown reason. His decision to bring her with him might be a mistake but while they were together, an eerie relationship was built between the two. With their strange situation, it might be irrational but R’s emotional inclination was getting stronger and as time passes Julie’s change of perception towards R was also changing but their togetherness won’t be agreed upon by the people and zombies surrounding them.

After a moment of battle between reading the book and watching the movie first, my verdict was to watch the movie since I was too curious (and very very excited!) as to what the story is all about which in effect is a downside for me. My imaginative capacity cannot identify which is from the book and which is from the movie since it’s overlapping in my brain but watching the movie gives me the excitement of reading the book more.

The story was set in a post-zombie-apocalyptic phase and as expected, there are killings and brain-eatings in this novel. I don’t even know if a zombie apocalypse is possible but, from the advanced sciences, genetic mutations and experimentation undergone everyday, it’s not impossible to happen. I have questioned myself if I would be surviving a post-zombie-apocalypse and I’m betting that I wouldn’t. If I’ll be one of the characters or one of the casts in ‘The Walking Dead’ TV series, I’d totally be dead in the first episode of the first season and if I don’t die from a zombie bite, I’d probably die of a heart attack.

Isaac Marion has brilliantly written and uniquely elaborated his idea of an unusual interaction of a zombie and a human being as well as the idea of what really is lurking inside a zombie’s brain. My thoughts on the book were eccentric, unusual and captivating, from the story-line to the characters. The title itself has given me some excitement as to what the story was all about. As for the movie, of course, as expected, there were some few changes made by the producers and the directors to make it more appealing to the viewers but all in all, I would rate it 5/5 if you have no interest in basing it with the book while 4/5 comparing it with the book.

Day 10: The Packing Part

Anxiety and excitement. I missed the post yesterday since I was totally busy arranging stuffs and thinking about stuffs. The thinking part is the hardest since it was haunting me even before I sleep so I only got less than 4 hours of sleep last night which sucks. My lack of sleep state is the effect of speechlessness. My brain is not working very well right now however I try. I’m mostly thinking about gift shopping for the holidays and the clothes I’m gonna bring. I don’t know if it’s travel jitters or I’m just too excited to leave. When I’m travelling, packing is one of the exciting parts aside from planning the trip. In less than 36 hours we will be leaving this place… the place of seclusion and eccentric world but in all fairness, I will miss it in so many ways or maybe in just a few ways. Whichever it may be, I will still miss it.

Day 9: Book Review: Shift by Kim Curran

shift

Title: Shift

Author: Kim Curran

Rating: 4/5

From being an ordinary teenage guy, Scott Tyler’s fooling around results in the discovery of him being an extraordinary person when he met the mysterious and appealing Aubrey Jones. He found out he was a “shifter”. Shifting is the process of undoing any decisions made by the shifter and there are only specific people who can do it. Being a shifter was not as cool and as easy as he thinks since shifting has grave consequences. With this discovery, he tries to decide which way he will follow to unravel the truth.

Control and power. Aren’t those what most people are aiming to attain? Are you willing to change your future and take the consequences? Kim Curran impressively introduced the idea of future-changing-mind­-over-matter capacity of our brain to shift from one decision to another. The complexity of our brains has pushed the limits of our human minds the ideas and concepts of how to improve and magnify the idea of enhancements. Its complexity has intrigued us as to how God created it and its capacity to hold valuable information and work through impossibilities.

Confusion at the first pace but perception sets in. It is my first time to read a Kim Curran novel which was highly recommended by my friend Arra Abella. Her fascination to this novel left me curious and interested and I should mention that it was worth reading. As I start to devour its content, the complexity of the role of every character imparts a twist in the story and starts to change its course. It was completely entertaining and although it was action- thriller, I felt that the romance just slips in every now and then.

How does it happen? I don’t know but Curran made it happen. Impossible? Not to her. If time machine has been invented today, would you use it? If you can change your previous decision, would you? This novel introduced the unique sense of spirit in time travelling and I must say this novel made me interested with it. After reading it, my mind boggled over the decisions I’ve made for the past few years, which I doubted, which I felt I should’ve changed, which I think is wrong but relating it to the novel, I must say that I would totally indulge in the opportunity to change even just some bits and parts of my life.

Day 8: My say on Typhoon Haiyan

A month has passed when Typhoon Yolanda/ Typhoon Haiyan struck the central part of the Philippines and the provinces in Visayas were completely devastated leaving the people helpless. Lives lost. Houses completely obliterated. Missing loved ones. No food. No water. No electricity. They’ve got nothing but faith and hope and the whole world felt the sense of yearning philanthropy thus, each and every one tries their best to contribute something and give aid to those in need.

We were focused with the current events and every single day their reports were about the updates on how the people were doing. They were tracking how the government responded on the tragic losses of the people in Visayas. It was sad to hear that despite with what happened, there are still people who take advantage of this devastation, and focus on their personal desires. Some blame the government for their slow response while the president blames the local government, who is also affected by the typhoon. It’s depressing that despite all what’s happened they get to blame each other where in fact they should just give help and encourage everyone to stay strong.

Each and every one find ways on how to help, how to contribute and how to alleviate the sadness and losses of the people. From singers, actors, artists and even regular people who work their asses somewhere out there, still wanted to give help and were struck by the disheartening effect of the typhoon. It’s just sad that SOME from the Philippine government doesn’t give what those people, who were affected, deserve. From what happened, I found hope in our humanity that we still care for each other no matter what. Let’s continue giving and spreading love to each other especially that Christmas is coming. Let’s make every day Christmas time.

 

Video

Day 7: Easy A

I don’t really know what’s with my obsession with the “Easy A” movie but I have watched it for like the nth time and I can even watch it every single day without vomiting. I mean, really! It was perfection! I bow down to the writers and the director of this movie and especially to Emma Stone who was able to portray perfectly the character of Olive Penderghast. And I will admit from the chosen music to the witty remarks it was totally alluring and entertaining. I love it. I love it. I love it. (A million times) And I totally pity the people who still haven’t watched it. Anyways, I have enlisted (in fact I watched it and rewind it again) my favorite lines and convos of the different characters and I have also inserted a trailer of the movie. If anyone who’s reading this still hasn’t watched it, please please please, I’m begging you, watch it!!! It was the best movie ever!

Favorite lines: 
 
If Google earth were a guy he couldn’t find me if I was dressed up in a ten story building.
 
George is not a sexy name. George is like what you name your teddy bear not the name you wanna scream when you’re in a climax.
 
Olive: I’m not that kinda girl
Rhi: Oh really! The kinda doesn’t or the kinda does it and doesn’t have the lady balls to tell her best friend
 
Mary Ann: Listen, I’m not the one that you have to answer to for your depraved behaviour. There’s a higher power that will judge for your indecency.
Olive: Tom Cruise?
 
Olive: You guys know that I was here all weekend right?
Mom: Yes, you were upstairs.
Dad: yeah
Olive: You would testify to that?
Mom: Yeah
Dad: I would take a bullet for you, you know that. Right between the eyes and I would slit my throat rather than say something to someone that you didn’t want me to say.
Olive: That’s not necessary dad, but that is comforting
Dad: That’s how I am. That’s how I roll. That’s how I do.
 
Remember how I told you Google Earth couldn’t find me if I was dressed up as a ten story building? Well the next day, it could find me if I was dressed in a crack on a sidewalk. That’s the beauty of being a girl in high school. People hear you had sex once and BAM you’re a bimbo. I really didn’t mean for the light to put me in the map but I gotta admit I kinda like being in a map.
 
Nina: Perhaps you should embroider a red A on your wardrobe you abominable tramp.
Olive: Perhaps you should get a wardrobe you abominable twat!
 
Mary Ann: Seems as if someone’s on a downward spiral.
Olive: Seems as if someone’s practicing the mundane activity should be settle with the rest of our pathetic life
Mary Anne: I just hope for your sake you at least had the good sense to use protection
Olive: Why? Your parents didn’t.
Mary Ann: You’re going to hell
Olive: Just as long as you won’t be there.
Mary Ann: I can assure you, I won’t.
 
Olive: I got sent to the principal today.
Mom: Did you win a medal or something?
Olive: Not exactly. I used inappropriate language in English class. Although we’re reading a book that I personally deemed wildly inappropriate for our age group…
Mom: What did you say?
Olive: Let’s just say it was inappropriate word.
Dad: What did it start with?
Olive: A snide comment from a snotty girl in our class.
Dad: No. I mean what letter did it start with?
Olive: Oh, T.
Dad and Mom: Oh T.. T. T. T. T. T. T.
 
Brandon: Hi. Is there an Olive here?
Mom: There’s a whole jar of them in the fridge.
Brandon: Sorry. I must’ve the wrong address.
Mom: Oh just kidding com’on in. Any friend of Olive’s is a friend of our daughter. Olive sweety, there’s a young man here to see you. He said something about asking for your hand in marriage.
Olive: Oh, happy day, Momma! Oh I thought I was gonna have to spend my diary on booze and pills tonight on loneliness….
Dad: What’s that?
Mom: Olive has a boy in her room.
Dad: A boy?
Mom: A boy.
Dad: Wow. A boy?
Mom: A boy.
Dad: A boy?
Mom: A boy.
Dad: Wow.
 
Olive: I hope you don’t mind but we had a few pre-cocktail party cocktails like before the cocktail parties with cocktails.
Melody Bosticks: Mhm.
Olive: Listen, here’s the sitch Melody Bostick. Brandon was just in the middle of telling me really funny thing which is really funny and I was wondering if umm.. there’s like a room we could go where he could finish telling me that thing that’s funny if you know what I mean.
 
Brandon: What are you doing?
Olive: Relax! Jesus, what is with you gays? Are you, are you really that repulsed by lady parts? What do you think I have down there? A gnome?
 
Brandon: Did you smell that?
Olive: Ew. Ew. Ew..
Brandon: What does it suppose to smell?
Olive: I don’t know but if it does you’re not suppose to comment on it.
Brandon: It doesn’t really smell that bad.
 
Mom: That boy from yesterday just dropped this off for you.
Olive: Well put it in the pile of gifts from my other suitors.
 
Olive: Hey Hanson.
Hanson: Hey.
Olive: I just realized the funniest thing my name is an anagram for “I love”.
Hanson: What’s uhh.. What’s an anagram?
Olive: Look it up big boy.
 
Olive to Rhi: What’s your problem?
Rhi: You really wanna know my problem is?
Olive: No… That’s a rhetorical question. I don’t wanna know anything from you.
Rhi: We’re not friends anymore.
Olive: Oh.
Rhi: We are officially over.
Olive: Oh rat.
Rhi: Hey I want my juicy swasher back.
Olive: Oooooohh.. Buuuuurrrnnn…
 
Whatever happened to chivalry? Does it only exist in 80s movies? I want John Cusack holding a boom box outside my window. I wanna ride off a lawn mower with Patrick Dempsey. I want Jake from Sixteen Candles waiting outside the church for me. I want Judd Nelson thrusting his fist into the air cause he knows he got me just once I want my life to be like an 80s movie, preferably, one with a really awesome musical number for no apparent reason….
 
Mr. Griffith: I’m making spaghetti.
Mrs. Griffith: That’s great.
Mr. Griffith: With meat.
Mrs. Griffith: Enjoy eating your meat.
Mr. Griffith: And balls.
Mrs. Griffith: Enjoy eating your balls.
 
 

Day 6: Quotes I can relate to (Part 1)

I am so inspired to read from a lot of books recently and I have gathered some of my favorite quotes from different characters of the novels I’ve read.

1. “The trick of it, she told herself, is to be courageous and bold and make a difference. Not change the world exactly, just the bit around you. Go out there with your double-first, your passion and your new Smith Corona electric typewriter and work hard at… something. Change lives through art maybe. Write beautifully. Cherish your friends, stay true to your principles, live passionately and fully and well. Experience new things. Love and be loved if at all possible. Eat sensibly. Stuff like that.”- Emma Morley, One Day by David Nicholls

2. “Ones character is set at an early age, son. The choices you make now will affect you for the rest of your life.” — Chester “Chet” Duncan, Flipped by Wendelin Van Draanen

3. “Without pain, how could we know joy?” — The Fault in Our Stars by John Green