To Live Alone and To Die Alone

To some, I may be young, or may be too old to be single since birth but I can feel it. I’m gonna die alone.

When I woke up today, I remembered I was dreaming something about a guy whom I was dating in my dream but I don’t know who he is. I can’t even remember now what he looks like but in my mind I was dating him… then I woke up. My first thought: ‘I will die alone’.

You may have some fairy tale stories to tell that makes everyone giggle and blush. The art of courting and getting to know each other stage. The people  around you see your glow and you yourself feel ecstatic. That wonderful feeling of being in love. I know that feeling but I guess I would never feel it again. Never in my life did I date nor did anyone try to court me. I’m thinking sometimes that it was me who has a problem and sometimes, to make me feel better, I’m thinking that God had reserved someone special for me. But I understand now, that I have to accept this status. The status of being single forever. I am not proud of it and I’m not bragging about it. Some might say I’m just bitter because I can’t find a guy who would like me but I say no to that. What I’m saying is.. I feel contented of being single. I accept this status. I am contented to be with my family and my friends.  That feeling of contentment where you’re not looking for someone to be with. I know I shouldn’t consider it my final word since I know that maybe some day I would find that guy or maybe not. But at least, no disappointments along the way. If he comes, then good for me. If he doesn’t, still good for me. I can stand on my own. You should never find happiness to that person you’re looking for or pursuing. You still have your family, your friends and God.

I am just telling this side of my story to those who feel unloved and emotional about being single. I am an independent person. I am an independent woman. I don’t need a special someone to be happy. Maybe I’m telling this to those people who can’t believe that I have accepted this status. Maybe I’m also telling this because I’m sick of those people who keep on ranting about those who rejected them but, come on get over it, live a life without disappointments or regrets. Do what you wanna do. Don’t waste your time with the person who doesn’t love you back or who ignores you. Give yourself some credit and do something which will make you feel happier. Maybe along the way through the life you’re living, you’ll find that someone who would treat you special. If not, then at least you didn’t waste your precious time finding that someone. Just believe. 🙂

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