Dream on

I am a dreamer and I think you all know that. I have a dream. Yes, I do and I know everyone does, but I won’t tell because it might be jinxed. Yesterday, from the moment I opened my eyes, until I got to work, until I got home and ate dinner and before I slept all I did was daydream about me and my life. What I wanna do, what my parents want me to do, and what my parents and I wanted to do with my life. It was like an MTV playing in my mind with the music playing in the car or in my earphones.

It just seems real especially before I sleep. At this very moment, I wanna do it. I wanna do what I wanna do but I’m helpless, I’m weak and I’m scared. I’m a coward and I know that. If I could just quit my job, go back to where I belong and get the most amazing job I could imagine and get a house of my own and get something I wanna wear for the day, I’d be happy. It’s not as simple as 1, 2, 3 or A, B, C. I’m looking for that courageous part of me still floating in the air waiting to be called. I know I can call it anytime but I’m still waiting for that right moment. When is that right moment? I. Don’t. Know.

I wanna be free! I wanna embrace the realities of life but at the same time, I don’t want to leave the fantasies lurking with it. When I’m in a good mood, I feel bold, confident and waiting to be wild but it just won’t get there. Sometimes I feel like being a bitch but I can’t. I wanna lose it in my system, these goody-two-shoes attitude which gets me nowhere, but like what I’ve said, I just can’t.

At the end of the day, whatever happened throughout my day, I try to forget and I move on and, again, I dream on.

Advertisements